A recent photograph from the ever peaceful, calm, and
collected floor of the Iranian Parliament has led me to bring forth several
questions, points, and random irksome examples of personal ignorance. Keep in mind, I don’t particularly care about
whatever side of the political fowl you fall on, whether it be left-wing or
right-wing. In fact, can’t we all just
agree that politicians give us the bird more often than not? Good.
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| Here is the picture in question. Zippo salesmen make $650K a year in Iran. |
Anyway, here we go:
·
Do you think that the folks that watch the
Iranian C-SPAN get just as bored as their American counterparts? Granted, compared to our having to watch the
standard US Congress nozzleheads spluttering on about something irrelevant
while on our dime in-between shoe shine sessions for their be-tasseled loafers,
Iranian parliament certainly seems spicier and more dramatic indeed. However, by the 49th chant of “Death
to Israel!” on a random Tuesday just before lunch, even the most die-hard
official must get somewhat tired of the rhetoric. At that point isn’t it just white noise to
them?
·
Maintaining that constant level of hatred is
awfully tiring isn’t it? I’ve tried
holding grudges and aside from several evergreen areas that I can always direct
some rage towards, more often than not I forget why I can’t stand someone and
will absentmindedly send them a Christmas card anyways. Of course, this letter gets returned as
refused, which reminds me why I hated them in the first place as they don’t
accept my letters and the balance is restored.
However it at least took me a stamp to figure that out rather than always
keeping the kettle of violent anger on a hot burner.
·
How many times do the fire alarms go off in that
building? Quite a bit I should think
given the circumstances. Does the local
fire department just brush off any alerts that come across their
switchboard? I mean they should get
pretty sick of having to show up in full gear and complement only because yet another demonstration happened on
the main floor.
·
I am glad that at least the burning
demonstrations are not using actual flags in the process. The horrible vapors that can come off while igniting
a nylon flag are not only quite detrimental to healthy breathing but also certainly
create a literal toxic work environment.
·
Thankfully, tourists who smoke never have to
worry if they forgot their lighter when in Iran, since apparently every single
member of the Iranian parliament is ready to blaze up at a moment’s notice.
·
Given current reactions on the parliament floor
and in the interests of diplomatic peace, I would make the recommendation to
not watch The Delta Force during the
Iran/Israel/United States movie night at this time. Of course even the hardcore Iranian
parliament members would definitely have to admit through angrily clenched
teeth that Chuck Norris is certainly unstoppable in that film.
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| The science has not been invented to measure the masculinity in this picture. |
·
Does the “Death to America” stack of papers stay
on the floor, only because there’s always a chance for a diatribe to
occur? “But we were only going to
discuss the Public Playground Placement bill.
Where you expecting to direct the conversation towards hatred of America
yet again, Mr. Speaker?”
·
That being said, it is rather hard for me as an
American to take any Iranian hint of an idea of a notion towards peaceful coexistence
as being serious when they can whip out lighters and “Death to America”
stationary from out of nowhere with such speed and ease when they hear
something they don’t like. I can’t find
a pen when I need one, yet some of these people are practically the ninjas of well-equipped
demonstration.
·
They must go through a lot of color ink
cartridges in printing those things out right?
There must be pages left and right whose only job is to order them
online from Staples or grab the printouts from their standing order at Kinko’s. Otherwise, they run the risk of not having the
handouts available for any day in which the country of the United States
exists.
·
How long did it take to get the margins correct
on those sheets? After all, since you
want to make sure that the entire “Death to America” phrase is on the same page,
you’d have to fiddle with the font, right?
But that takes some time and patience with the file. Maybe the Jokerman
font doesn’t give the phrase a chance to be taken as seriously as the Gill Sans Ultra Bold font does. It is all about the aesthetics and practicality
when the day is done.
·
If you look closely in the picture, the handout
has little footsteps walking on top of the flag as well! That adds yet another artistic layer. This certainly takes it above the old boring
standard of screaming at a burning flag in the street.
·
Also, given the variety of the “Death to America”
images available, who knew that Bernie Sanders had so many unused campaign
images on his jump drive? I’m just glad
that he told the parliament to download Adobe beforehand! That certainly saved some time and
frustration when Sanders sent them his image files.
Now, I believe in being topical and current. That’s why I once devoted a month to writing
about the movies of Boris Karloff, a man who has been dead for 50 years. I hope this is all taken in the right spirit
of warmth and jest. Now who’s for
watching Delta Force? Aw nuts.
Too soon? Hey, put down your
lighter, I was kidding!
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| "Who needs a lighter, when I've got this bike?" |
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