The Mads Are Back! No, Really, They Are!

            I’m going to ask the millions of you out in the worldwide interwebnets to indulge me for a second.  Yes, it is a lot to ask of you, but I think we have all grown somewhat during this award-seeking blogging experience.  Sure, we’ve had our ups and our downs.  We’ve had our hills and our valleys.  We’ve had our Funk and our Wagnalls, our Peaches and our Herb, our Benson and our Hedges.  We can do this!

 

            My lovely bride and I actually had a night out together this past Saturday.  After locking the babysitter in the house with our three heavily-sugared children, we managed to escape for our wild evening plans: dinner and a movie!  To clarify, by “dinner” I meant “grabbing drive-thru at Hardee’s” which we did eat, so there’s that.  And by “movie”, I meant “seeing The Mads from Mystery Science Theater 3000 perform live, riffing of the movie The Neanderthal Man at the Times Cinema in Milwaukee, WI”.  Seems so obvious now, doesn’t it?

 

What else did you expect?  They're EVIL!

 

            Oh golly, where to begin with this fabulous evening?  I will start with why I was excited to see Trace Beaulieu and Frank Conniff, the aforementioned Mads, in the first place.  At the tender age of 11, I began watching Mystery Science Theater at the start of Season Two in 1990.  (This was back when Comedy Central/CTV:The Comedy Network/Comedy Channel only ran McHale’s Navy reruns in-between CPO Sharkey reruns, so MST3K easily blew away the normal programming schedule.)  That episode had Rocketship X-M for my viewing pleasure.  Rocketship X-M actually turned out to be one of the better-made movies they did, so take that either as a warning or encouragement or both.

            That landmark episode also had the introduction of Frank Conniff as TV’s Frank.  Trace Beaulieu had already established the character of Dr. Clayton Forrester, one of the mad scientists that had started the bad movie experiment premise of the show.  But now Dr. Forrester had a new partner in TV’s Frank.  Would these characters mesh?  Thankfully, they meshed just like Joe Namath netted slingshot briefs.  In other better words, they clearly had a superb chemistry from the start.  From that moment through the end of Season 6, the interplay of the Mads was offbeat and quirky, sometimes dark, always fun. 

 

Oops, almost forgot this programming tentpole of the Comedy Central reruns! 
Soooo, moving on...

 

            Frank left the show after Season 6 and Trace left after Season 7.  MST3K lasted for another three seasons, but it wasn’t the same.  Not bad mind you, just different.  Frank did guest star in an episode during the final season so we fortunately got to see him in the blank tunic and spit curl one more time.  Mystery Science Theater was dead, long live Mystery Science Theater.  And if that’s not a pretentious way to end a paragraph, then I don’t know what is.  

            Frank and Trace reentered the world of movie riffing when they became members of Cinematic Titanic.  They joined MST3K alums Joel Hodgson, Mary Jo Pehl, and J. Elvis Weinstein for some DVD releases and live tours.  Fortunately, I was able to see them perform twice in the wilds of America’s Dairyland.  They also did Meet & Greets and autograph signings after the shows.  I’m sure Frank and Trace don’t remember meeting me at either time which is understandable.  However, I will help jog their memories: I was the nervous, socially awkward fan that avoided direct eye contact whilst sporting a dopey grin the whole time.  Remember me now?  No, I was the one on the right.  Yep!  That was me! 

 

            Trace and Frank now tour as The Mads Are Back, riffing bad movies live in theaters throughout the country.  They encourage fans to suggest venues that would fit their show.  I was happy to oblige and immediately thought of theaters in Milwaukee that would be perfect: the Rosebud and the Times.  I’m sure they saw my message on a random Facebook thread and went, “This Wink guy might have something here.  Call the Times theater.  Now!!”  I’m pretty sure that’s how it went down.  Oh, and you’re welcome, City of Milwaukee.

 

Oh now, Milwaukee!  You didn't have to go to such trouble thanking me!



 

            Why the Times?  I loved it ever since I started seeing classic movies there in the fall of 2002.  That was the magic of that theater at the time: seeing actual film being run through an actual projector on an actual screen.  The actual seats were old, the actual popcorn was good, and the actual price was $5 a show.  $5.50 if it was a double feature.  That’s right, I saw prints of both The Maltese Falcon and Double Indemnity for less than six bucks.  It was simply paradise.
 

            I didn’t even care if the print was in ragged shape.  Vertigo looked like it was dragged through a broken glass factory and then lovingly restored by a judicious application of hydrochloric acid.  But as it was Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo on actual film, I thought it was beautiful.  There were similar occurrences with Ben-Hur and The Bridge on the River Kwai, but I didn’t mind.  These were opportunities to finally see large scope movies on the big screen.  I’m not going to cry about scratches on the print and hisses on the soundtrack.  Bring it on!

 

            I can still remember my first movie at the Times: Strangers on a Train.  When I arrived I was surprised that the theater was so packed.  Apparently this theater wasn’t going to be my little secret.  Lucking into a seat in the back on the right hand aisle, I sat down just as Robert Walker and Farley Granger accidentally meet on the train.  Now I love Hitchcock, but having the chance to see his work on a theater screen was almost like a religious experience.  I couldn’t wait to come back.

 

            One of my early return trips to the Times was for a 1950s sci-fi double feature.  I told my brother about it and he decided that he had $5.50 to spare.  We saw Queen of Outer Space with Zsa Zsa Gabor and It! The Terror From Beyond Space with 100% less Gabor.  The whole time we were both trading what we thought were funny quips.  We came to the conclusion that these movies would have been perfect fodder for golden age MST3K.  But as the show was gone, this was not to be.

 

I made a mistake.  It turns out Zsa Zsa was in the IT! creature suit here.
She was soooo versatile!

 
            Then via a hackneyed contrived paragraph linking device of my own design, here are Trace and Frank in the Times Cinema riffing away at a horrible 1950s sci-fi movie!  It was surreal to be sure.  I can’t count the amount of moments that I was in that same lobby for a film and there’s the Mads chatting away with fans, selling merchandise there.  Speaking of “merch”, as the kids call it, both guys have books available which I highly recommend.  They are more than willing to sign and personalize stuff for you.   
 

Also offered were some pictures of them as the Mads and t-shirts with “The Mads Are Back!” emblazoned in an awesome design.  I would just like to say that having Dr. Forrester himself dig through a t-shirt bag to find a medium size shirt for my wife was a fun moment.  (Trace found one and my bride was quite thankful!  By the way, she wore it under a sweater when singing in church the next day.  We are very subversive for Lutherans, ya know.)  The Mads also had posters available, one for each of the movies they were riffing over the two days they were in town.  I picked up the poster for The Neanderthal Man and they signed that for us too.  By the way, the poster art design is top notch to boot.   

 

Isn't this a great poster?  It certainly is more action packed than the movie.

 
        The show itself was great.  It certainly helps that The Neanderthal Man is not that great.  Oh, you’ve seen worse movies, I reckon.  But if talking rather than action is your bag, then fortune smiles upon you.  Do you want to see some not-that-special effects?  What about a mad scientist that loves to get suddenly outraged for no real reason?  Maybe having Beverly Garland onscreen for far too short a time is to your liking?  Well, you are in luck as The Neanderthal Man has all of that and even less!

 

Jack Pollexfen, who also produced the MST3K experiments of Indestructible Man and Monstrosity (aka The Atomic Brain), is partly to blame for this film too.  Actually not having the Neanderthal Man fight the Indestructible Man in a later sequel is one of the wonderfulest missed opportunities in the history of unjustified film hyperbole.  If you want more MST3K connections, Robert Shayne, Richard Crane, Beverly Garland, Robert Easton, and Frank Gerstle all starred in at least a couple of films featured on the show.  (By the way, I just like saying “Frank Gerstle”.  Try it!  What a magnificent name indeed.)

 

Apparently, Frank Gerstle was the first choice to play Doc Brown in Back to the Future.

            Now one could pick apart The Neanderthal Man for its obvious shortcomings, but I’ll take the higher ground and mention some good things.  Thankfully it is short, so it does have that going for it, which is nice.  There’s a sort of saber-toothed tiger, but given that there’s a sort of Neanderthal man, it evens out.  Also on the plus side, if you suffer from high blood pressure, you don’t have to worry about any suspense or horror causing myocardial infarctions of any kind.  Did I mention that Beverly Garland is in it?  I did?  Hm.  That’s about it.

Here's some more of the lovely Beverly Garland.  You are quite welcome.

            Given that 1950s/60s sci-fi is my favorite genre to see riffed, The Neanderthal Man fits squarely in my wheelhouse.  The Mads did not disappoint and they clearly had fun with this movie.  They even allowed for moments for the ridiculousness of the movie to speak for itself.  This is why the live performance is a bonus because hearing them laugh at an incredulous moment amps up the shared experience.

 

Since she's a deaf mute in the film, I wouldn't worry about her calling for help.

            I highly recommend going to see The Mads Are Back.  The guys couldn’t be friendlier.  (I suppose they could be friendlier, but having Frank give foot rubs would have been awkward and a bit much.  Having him sign his books and pose with Trace for pictures with us was just fine.)  They also do a Q&A at the end of the show.  I heartily recommend being original, asking them a question they never heard before like, “What MST3K movie was the hardest one for you to watch?” or “What’s your favorite episode?”  I kid, of course, but…ahem.

            Be sure to like their Facebook page and get updates for upcoming shows.  They might be coming to a cinema near you.  And if they aren't, recommend one.  They stars could align and you could find yourself in a shotgun shack on the other side of the world, in your beloved theater, seeing a bad movie, and enjoying a moment with two hilarious people: Trace and Frank, the Mads from MST3K. 
       
   
             Now if we can just convince them to come back to Wisconsin some time...

Obviously the photographer was nervous with me being there too.  I don't blame him.